This Mother’s Day was a strange one for me; it consisted of no children in the house and arriving back in Singapore at 5 am with a head cold and sinuses, making my eleven-hour flight from Athens a nightmare. Those who have ever flown with sinus issues will understand that the pain is like having an electric shock in your ear and down the side of your face when you least expect it. My ears kept blocking and then popping throughout the flight with the descend into Singapore, one of the worst experiences I have had in a long time.
The Day was spent sleeping except for the few moments I woke up when a beautiful bunch of flowers arrived from my husband, and the kids rang individually to wish me a happy mothers Day. It had not dawned on me during the day (too sick to be bothered about anything, really) that it was probably not a wise idea that I wouldn’t be with my kids on mothers Day. In fact, I hadn’t planned things out very well because the one day that was supposed to be spent with three of the most precious achievements of my life was spent in Singapore with a husband who was flying out in the early evening and me having to then, spend the night on my own.
Now that I feel better (jet lag aside), I have time to sit and think, remember and realise that even though I am miles away from my family, I feel very much loved by them all. So with a thoroughly thought out present from the kids and flowers from my husband with a beautifully written card that made me cry, I realised that I am thankfully remembered on this special day.
I have made a mental note to myself that it will be the last mothers Day without my children if I can help it, and the last mothers Day I don’t get to spend with my mother before the awful Day when she will no longer remember who I am. Because living with a loved one with dementia is like a ticking time bomb, waiting for the day it all blows up and the memories are permanently erased.
I have always appreciated my mum (even though my teenage years are questionable) for all that she has done, all that she has sacrificed, and all the advice she has given me in the past. For the times I have cried on her shoulder, for times we have laughed so hard that my stomach ached, and for times she sat me down and made me look at things differently.
My mum has been a person who has always sat back and shied away from the limelight (I think my siblings and I had it covered); she has been the rock to the family from the very beginning and has come up against the toughest of circumstances but somehow had hid it all behind a caring demeanour.
My mother was never one to raise her voice, discipline us sternly or be a person to be afraid of; she left that all to my dad, who had the biggest heart but ran our home with a stern hand. But, on the other hand, she was always coming to our defence or consoling us when we felt like the world was ending.
You never once knew of her sacrifices or how tired she was from working seven days a week and 12-hour days. She never complained of arthritis in her feet or the pains in her hands from long hours serving customers. She seldom cried or showed any weakness, just strength behind her tired eyes.
She wasn’t the type of mother that attended school functions or athletic events or the kind of mother that went out with her friends for the night. Instead, she spent all her time working, working during the day to put food on the table and working at night in the home to ensure we were being looked after.
I don’t ever remember a time when she complained. I don’t ever remember a time when she didn’t dote over my father or speak proudly of her kids. She was there when I called her at 3 am because my baby wouldn’t stop crying; she was there when I couldn’t attend sporting events and school functions. She was there when I was a new mum, and she was there when my children started to grow, and she was there until her mind would no longer allow her to be.
Growing up, I never understood why she wasn’t like other mums, who were always around for play dates, sleepovers, and other cool stuff. But now, as a mother, I totally understand why she did what she did to give us a better start in life, why she sacrificed so much so that we had more than what she had and why she, no matter what we did or said, loved us unconditionally.
So to my mum, who raised me as a strong, outspoken woman, who raised me to love my kids with every inch of my body, to my mum who I wish could read this message and know that she is one of my biggest idols and know that I miss her more than she will ever know.
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