When your children are little, life revolves around them! Their activities, their school, their sport, their friends, their lives. Nobody tells you that one day, when you least expect it, they will grow up, and their life becomes theirs. Sure! Sure! We all know that they will eventually grow up, but it comes around so quickly that I feel somewhat blind-sighted.
They take themselves off to their own activities, with their own friends, in their own mode of transport. There is now a fine line between asking too many questions and not enough. They have become independent, strong individuals with very strong and very different views of life.
As a parent, when do you take a step back and become less in control of the family (not even sure that is the right term for it) and more I don’t know – Blase? How do you allow them to make their own mistakes, even though you know, quite clearly, they are making the wrong decisions?
How do you become less of the front-line protector and more of the back-line guide and support person? With no real manual to read, how do we know we are doing a good job? Whether we, as parents, allowing them to take on their own destiny rather than the path we have paved for them?
For the most part, we are guided by memories of our own childhood; our own do’s and don’ts of parenting are learnt behaviours of our parents or those who became parent figures. We know exactly what “not to do” as our parent’s generation just didn’t understand our generational changes. Are we doing the same thing to our children? Are we falling into the trap of generational differences that only those experiencing the generation gaps can understand?
I can no longer be the fixer of problems, only the helper, overlooker, or sometimes even the listener! It is a hard pill to swallow because my job, for so many years, was the fixer; now, my job has become obsolete.
As a parent, we aren’t rewarded with monetary bonuses that companies offer to let us know we are doing a good job! We rarely even get a pat on the back, and we, of course, will never be blessed with a one-on-one performance review to help guide you in the right direction.
All we have to go on is our intuition, unconditional love and experience thus far! We strive to ensure our children are the best versions of themselves, that they are happy, feel loved and can come to us, no matter the situation!
Who knows if I am doing a good job? Who knows if allowing them to make their own mistakes is the right thing to do? All I know is that I am not perfect and that I, too, make mistakes. But, and that is a big but- everything I do is because I love them, because I am proud of them and because they are my favourite people in the entire world.
Here I am, about to head back to Singapore, and my adult children embark on the next step of their life journey. Am I doing the right thing? Leaving them behind to live their life in Australia while we, the parents, live our life abroad? It is the broken record that I play in my mind every time I pack my suitcase. I wonder if I will ever stop worrying about them.
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